How to Be an “Askable” Parent
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How to Be an “Askable” Parent

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October 1, 2015

October is Let’s Talk Month, a national public campaign designed to encourage parent/child communication about sexuality.I was very excited to write this blog because I am the parent of a 13 year old boy and a 14 year old girl. It has been our mission as parents to keep our children informed about their bodies and their sexual health since they were tiny babies.

Talking to children about sexuality isn’t always talking to them about sex, but about their bodies, what to be aware of, being open to have conversations so when they have a question they have a trusted adult to talk to. Parents are the best sexuality educators for their children. My husband and I have always prided ourselves on making sure we are “askable” parents. The conversations are not always easy and have become harder as our children have become older, but they come to us.

I think it is very important to understand our own level of discomfort with talking about sex and sexuality. I did not grow up in a household where that subject matter was talked about freely, but because my children have, I am often far more uncomfortable than they are with the subject matter. The key is to be open and honest with your children and to give them the information they asked for. Often less is more. You only need to answer what they are asking. Sometimes we think we have to provide them with everything on the subject matter, when they are only looking for a simple two sentence explanation. On more than one occasion I have given my children an answer that was far too extensive, and they respond by saying “I have had enough for now Mom”. 

The one thing I encourage is to never dismiss your child’s question with things like “you are too young for that” or “you don’t need to know that yet”. If you don’t feel comfortable to answer a question it is perfectly fine to respond by saying “that is a really good question, I want to make sure I give you the best possible answer, let me take some time to think it through.” Make sure you also respond within that same day with an answer to their question.

My husband and I know for a fact that as our children get older their experiences around sex and sexuality will increase and we are hopeful that we have laid the foundation for them to come to us with anything they aren’t quite sure they can tackle. We are also hopeful that we have given them a tool kit over the years that they can tap into when they need it.

Luckily for us, United Way provides a handy dandy tool kit, which has helped guide our discussions throughout the years. If you have any doubts, be happy in knowing you are not on this parenting path alone. There are tools to help you through the tough questions, because I assure you if they aren’t asking you, they are going to ask someone else. Be the first one they come to, not the last!

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