The Greatest Gift to our Children
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United Way of Greater Milwaukee & Waukesha County

The Greatest Gift to our Children

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On one of the first evenings after our then-foster (now adopted) daughter Teenasia came to live with us, second grade Jacob was at the dining room table, working on his religion homework. I was at the kitchen sink, holding wriggling 16-month-old Teenasia, wrapped in a towel, trying to wash her hair in the kitchen sink. I found I couldn’t hold her with one arm and wash her hair with the other.

“Hey, Jacob. Do you want to sit there and learn about your faith, or do you want to live it?” 

Jacob looked up, intrigued and put his pencil down. “I’ll live it,” he said, smiling and walking over.

As I held tightly to Teenasia so she wouldn’t bump her head on the faucet, Jacob took the spray and wet his new little sister’s hair, then added shampoo. As he worked the suds around Teenasia’s head, he looked into her eyes and narrated the process.

“The water won’t hurt you. We’ll put a cloth over your eyes when we rinse,” he said.

Soon, Teenasia, distracted by Jacob’s voice and interested in what he was doing, slowed her movements, smiled at Jacob and relaxed in my arms.

Teenasia, now 13, has been washing her own hair for many years, and I’m not sure Jacob, now 19, even remembers that night. But for

me, the evening has come to encapsulate what I believe to be true about family life, service and giving: Children learn by doing. 

If we hope to raise children who grow up to be adults generous with both their resources and their time, we need to provide our children with these experiences when they are young. So much of our time as parents involves doing things for our children—we shuttle them to school, lessons and practices; we buy them new clothes and toys; we take them to the zoo, to sporting events, and on vacation. At first glance, it might seem that today’s upper middle class children have everything they could possibly need. Yet, these children, who on the surface have so much, need to be taught to reach out to others with the same sort of intention that we give to ballet lessons and soccer practice. For if we do not teach our children to reach out, we neglect to share with them the profound joy that comes from service to others.  Our children’s spirits deepen when we take them with us as we volunteer. They learn compassion standing next to us at a food program, spooning out pasta. They gain important perspective accompanying us as we deliver items to a homeless shelter.

Our greatest gift to our children is not in everything we do for them, but rather, in what we teach them to do for others.

-Annemarie Scobey-Polacheck
Director, Corporate Programs, Johnson Controls
Annemarie and her husband Bill have four children