Would she think I was cool?
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Would she think I was cool?

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January 7, 2016

By Nicole Angresano, United Way Staff

After my son was born, I felt like I didn’t have the time—or energy—to do much volunteer work. If I wasn’t at my office, I wanted to be home with him.  I still served on some boards and did occasional volunteer activities—and I have a wonderful position that affords me the opportunity to be out in the community a lot, but it wasn’t the same.  So when my son turned 6, I decided it was time to get back out there.  I thought about what (limited) skills I had and what I might be good at—and I also thought about what would bring me satisfaction. I reflected on my first love—working with kids—and thought Big Brothers Big Sisters (BBBS) might be just the answer.

I reached out to BBBS and went through the process of being interviewed and screened. I was eventually approved and matched as a school-based mentor. I would be paired with L, a third grader. Meeting my little for the first time was a bit nerve-racking—“would she like me?” “Would she think I was cool?” “Would she notice I was a little, umm, older than the other Bigs?” I decided I would just be myself and hope that was good enough.

We started off slowly, getting to know each other. L asked questions about my family, and I did the same. We played a lot of board games and talked about future plans. I always beat her at Connect 4, but she was (and has remained) the clear Memory champion. I taught her battleship—she introduced me to Mancala, and her very “creative” rules for playing it.

Sometimes I would get there and she would be upset—angry that her teacher had redirected her or she was just frustrated with a peer. So we’d talk about it—we’d explore what her reaction had been and maybe how we could improve on that reaction in the future. We’d discuss how important school was and that even though some tasks seemed boring or “pointless”, everything was assigned for a reason, part of a bigger plan, to help her grow academically and put her in a great position to be a successful adult. 

Now that she’s a little older, we still play lots of games, but we do some school work, too—not always an easy sell, but we do it. Sometimes we do an art project, and last week we made friendship bracelets. But the truth is, I don’t do anything particularly special or difficult—I just show up and let her know I care about her and want her to do well. That’s it.

In March, L and I will be celebrating three years together—she told me recently that she was getting too old for a Big Sister, but that she might let me stay around for a few more years because even though I am “old, like a mom, at least I am pretty cool and fun”.  Hey-- I’ll take it!   

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